Everything you know is a lie. Everything you have ever believed is false. Every experience you ever had and even every person you have ever known are not what they seem to be. Only one person knows the truth. Only one man knows the world for what it really is and still lives free.

His name is Darren Lu.

We interviewed Mr. Lu, and it was the beginning of the strange, dark journey into a world that was seemingly insane. But it wasn’t insanity. It was reality. And that’s what was so disturbing.

We met Mr. Lu during the day and we were having flashbacks to the Matrix. We were Neo and Darren was Morpheus. Darren offered us a choice; to take the blue pill, and to continue sleeping, living our lives unaware of the true nature of the world, or to take the red pill, and to be awakened to the horrifying reality of how the world really is.

CdM, you are about to take the red pill.

This is what the earth looks like.

Darren began by explaining his “Möbius Strip Theory” to us. This can be considered the centerpiece of his secret knowledge; many other things that only he knows are dependent on the Möbius Strip Theory. Darren mathmatically proved, using logarthmic differintiation of the earth’s gravitational and magnetic fields, that our planet is not round. Summing up the subject, he said “There is no gravitational evidence to suggest that earth is round.” Lu elaborated, explaining that our planet is actually a Möbius Strip. The United States is located on the bottom side. “See that cloud up there? That cloud never moves. Why? Because it’s actually India, on the other side of the Möbius Strip.”

Lu explained that a sinister world government prevents prevents people from knowing that the earth is not round. When asked why these organizations would want to keep the true shape of the planet secret, Lu told us “How should we be able to discern the sinister intentions of this draconian government?” However, this is only one of the many shocking reveleations Lu had for us.

That is the subcontinent of India.

He then began to explain that the same organizations that have convinced humanity that earth is round also deceive us in many other ways. Perhaps the greatest of these is what Lu refers to as “the England Lie”. Apparently, England is not and never has been a real place. The entire history of England and subsequently the world is all a lie. When we asked how this could be possible, he replied that, “This conspiracy is just that old, people have been in on it for centuries.”

We asked Darren what really is happening when one takes a plane to the United Kingdom. He said, “Well, you take off and fly around in circles for several hours over the ‘Atlantic’ and then you land on some random island that is in fact not England.”

We then asked Darren, “What about the English, themselves, are they fake?”

He responded, “Yes, various governmental organizations around the world pay for actors to go to England every day and be ‘British’. I mean Gordon Brown?! How are we supposed to believe that?!”

Totally not a real Prime Minister

In summation, according to Darren, the truth about England is:

• The entire history of England never happened and Great Britain is not and never has been an actual country.
• When you travel to the UK, you are actually flying around over the ocean, and then you land on an island with millions of actors pretending to be British citizens.
• World leaders since the dawn of mankind have worked to keep this from you.

The lies about humanity’s history do not end there. Darren enlightened us to another truth: The Titanic was actually sunk by an American submarine. This was because it was actually manned by “Truthgivers”, people who have kept alive the secret knowledge about Möbius Strip Earth and nonexistent England over the centuries. The Truthgivers were attempting to sail to the spot where England is supposedly located, and thus prove it is not real. The world government caught wind of their plan and sank the ship, and then made up the lie that it was sailing from England and was hit by an iceberg in order to hide their crime.

At this point, we were in shock from the logic bomb that Darren had delivered to our brains. It was like we had received a 100% pure intravenous injection of truth, and our bodies were overdosing on the forbidden knowledge.

Despite our deteriorating physical condition, Lu pressed on with his horrifying revelations. “College admissions selection is completely random. They just take all the names and put them in a hat, and pick some of them. Nothing you do actually matters. Literally they put them into giant top hats,” he said. We decided that this particular one had to be untrue, and asked him to prove his statement. “If you look at college admissions data, an event happened that is known amongst Truthgivers as The Great Top Hat Confusion of 1992. That year, 11 students admitted to Harvard had below-average SAT scores. This happened because entries in the Harvard Hat were not mixed properly. All of those students later died in mysterious accidents. Coincidence? I think not.”

The infamous UC Berkley Top Hat

We knew at once he was telling the truth. And it crushed us. We could not bear to believe that all of our work in high school meant nothing. “That’s the point.” said Darren. “They want to keep you dumbed down and busy with mundane things.”

Our confusion grew when he told us that “They put flouride in the water supply and toothpaste, not to make your teeth bright and shiny, but to enable satellites to track you, partially because they don’t want you to go near England. So you can’t talk to the fully sentient dinosaurs that have their own civilization there. Oh…and also no people have ever been in space.” We thought it best not to question him on this statement.

At this point, junior Gaby Dichiro walked by and overheard part of our conversation. She immediately broke down crying. Darren said “That’s why I’ve never actually proven any of these things to people before. If they were confronted with the truth, most of them simply wouldn’t be able to handle it.”

“The animals you know as coyotes are actually made in a lab by the government specifically to kill housepets.” said Darren, suddenly changing the subject back to Truthgiving. “This is done to keep their owners in emotional distress, so they do not become aware of the truth and revolt.” We later asked biology expert and CdM teacher Ms. Walters about the plausibility of this claim, she stated “I wholeheartedly agree with this theory, which is why, they preferentially hunt poodles,” proving Darren’s theory to be correct.

This was all the information we could handle. Our grip on reality was slipping fast, and we were both slipping in and out of consciousness. Dichiro was still huddled in the fetal position a few feet away, sobbing quietly to herself. Suddenly Darren laid his hands on us, and we slipped into a beautiful, restful sleep.

When we awoke, he was gone. Gone back to Ms. Ngo’s 4th period chemistry class. But the terrible truths of what we learned that day still stay with us, and now you as well.

Co-written by: Jack Mulcaire and Cahill Maffei